Monday, January 09, 2006

My mannequin and other animals

While obviously we would encourage readers to tune into this blog rather than attempt to search for their daily dose of silly stories unaccompanied by a responsible adult, our sources are no secret. Google News is always the first port of call, and many a lead can be found simply by typing random and faintly ridiculous words into the search box.

And so it is that we end up with today's feature, a bumper double-bill centred around the chosen comedy word 'mannequin'. First up, in Kingsland, Georgia, local news station WESH2 reports that a sailor's wife has come up with a novel way of dealing with hubby's absence. Suzy Walker, recently married and struggling to cope with her husband's deployment on the USS West Virginia, went and bought a life-size sailor mannequin on eBay.

The mannequin, we are told, "looks just like him". No word on whether it is, ahem, anatomically correct, but we're guessing the real deal somewhere is kinda proud of his 'tache.

(Update: the news above sounds freaky, but kind of cute. Flick over to the ABC report, however, and things get a little scarier. Suzy apparently "takes the stand-in - dressed as a sailor - to the mall, out to dinner and grocery shopping." And yes, if you click the link, that is them making out...)

The news from Turkey, meanwhile, is more disturbing, and we're not talking bird flu. The Daily Times (strapline: "A New Voice For A New Pakistan) reports that shop assistants at a department store in Antalya opened up one morning to discover a colleague of theirs lying naked with a mannequin in a store window.

The 30-year-old perp allegedly hid in the toilets while the store was being locked up for the night, then snuck back in to have his evil way with Dorothy (my pseudonym but hey, it sort of works).

The Times reports that shop assistants "called police after noticing bite marks on the mannequin". So they didn't call police when they found him lying in the shop window? They didn't call when they saw he was naked? They didn't call when they saw he was lying naked in the shop window with the violated mannequin? But when they saw bite marks, well, jeez, some lines you just don't cross.

Worse of all, when police searched the property, "two other mannequins that showed signs of abuse were also taken in evidence."

It seems that the Mannequin Monster was a serial offender.


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